Monday, February 20, 2012

Hamlet is a Zombie. Or something...

This isn't an actual post.  Just warning you.
I have a big, huge, horrible, final, large, giant, annoying, what-i've-been-working-towards-my-entire-life-exam on Monday, so I really don't have the time for my blog at the moment, however, I had to share with you this crazy discovery I made.  A few months back I did a guest post on Tara's blog:
The post was slightly random and definitely insane, and when I was going back through old posts, I reread it and thought that it was worth posting again on this blog, too, so I'll copy and paste it at the end of this post.

BUT before I allow you to read it, I just have to say the point of this post, which is:  I'M A GENIUS.

After you read this post, you will see that I came up with a genius idea about putting ZOMBIES in HAMLET, which my friend, to my dismay, told me was a stupid idea.  WELL, I found out the other day that there is a MOVIE called "Zombie Hamlet" that is due to come out this year and it's all about zombies and Hamlet.  If only my friend had not stifled my dream, I could have copyrighted that genius proposal and sent it off to some fabulous movie producer who would have surely created a feature film.

What is it they say?  Something about there being a fine line between insanity and genius?  BAM.

(P.S. There is quite a strong possibility that this movie is a complete joke.)
(P.P.S. The possibility is strong enough to be definite. In other words this movie is definitely a joke.  Because it was supposed to come out last year.)
(P.P.P.S. The definite possibility of this movie being a complete joke does not change the fact that I am a genius.)

Hamlet, the Zombie Version

This is an exact replica of the conversation I had with my friend about me writing a guest post:

Me: Hey, guess what? I'm writing a guest post!

Friend: Cool, what are you going to write about?

Me: I was considering doing a reenactment of Shakespeare's "Hamlet" except everyone who dies will come back as zombies at the end and kill everyone else and then I was thinking I would add a philosophical debate at the end of my post about why reading about zombie attacks would be so much more entertaining and educational than reading about a boring murder and then finish off with a logical list of why school systems suck.

Friend: Um... well... maybe you should try something a little less... complicated?

Me: Yeah, you're right.  I don't want to discriminate against people who have never read Hamlet and have no idea what I am talking about.  Ok, my second idea is to set up a battle between a mermaid and a centaur and list all of the different attributes that would make one or the other win.

Friend:  Ok... well, I was just thinking maybe you should do something a little more... sane?  No one will follow your blog if they think you're crazy.

Me:  ExcUSE me?  I beg to differ.  (About the people-not-reading-my-blog-because-I'm-insane part, not the I-am-insane part.  That part's true.)

Actually, she kind of has a point considering the blog that I'm writing for, "Green-Eyed Opinions" happens to be incredibly awesome and also incredibly normal and I don't think I've ever seen Tara write about zombies or battles between imaginary creatures, so her readers probably will be very confused and may get angry that they're reading such nonsense on a blog that they expect to be nonsense-less.  So now I have to think of something normal to write, which doesn't come easily for me, believe me, considering I spend my life coming up with weird battle scenarios, and that is the opposite of normal.  Well, I've hit a wall.  I have writer's block.  What do normal people write about?  I can't even think of an idea.

Ok, I just looked up "what do normal people blog about?" on Google and it came up with a lot of random sites about wine-drinking and mountain-climbing that had nothing to do with my original search and that's why search engines suck.  Unless it's trying to hint at the fact that wine-drinking and rock-climbing are awesome things to blog about, but I don't think so.  One site did give me a straight answer, and that was "their lives".

Well that didn't work, considering it brought me back to where I started.  I spend my life coming up with weird battle scenarios, PEOPLE.

So I've decided to return to one of my original ideas.  I hope you like it, but if you are scared off by my insanity, all I have to say is... BLAME GOOGLE.



So as I was drawing this, I realized how silly this battle scenario is for two reasons:  first of all, mermaids are known for their peaceful personalities so they would probably never battle anything.  And second of all, mermaids have freaking TAILS.  So I don't think they stand a chance against something that has four legs that all have sharp hooves attached to the ends of them plus two arms that have spears attached to them.  That's like three times the amount of limbs and 100% more weapons.

So, the centaur wins.  No question.


  1. Oh - maybe she would win by using her feminine wiles. 'Love conquers all'?

  2. So now YOU can make the movie!!! Tails can be very forceful! (oh, so can tales)

  3. First of all, I wouldn't read your blog if you WEREN'T insane.
    Secondly, I LOL'ed when I saw the picture of the mermaid surrendering to the centaur after all the epic battle buildup. But couldn't the mermaid just swim out to sea a bit? I've never seen a centaur swim, but it seems physically impossible.
    And third, you should put our your movie before the other one and undercut them. There ARE two Snow White movies coming out this year, ya know.

  4. Exactly! I like your blog because you ARE a crazy genius! :D

    Also, seeing something totally unexpected often makes people laugh. It's pretty much at the root of all humor!

    Lastly, what about the mermaid's teeth? Those gals are practically piranhas, I tell you! BE AFRAID, CENTAUR!!!


Comments are much appreciated xoxo