Monday, July 18, 2011

I am a Killer Human

So the other day I was browsing around the internet, and I decided to look to see if there were any blogs dedicated to unicorns other than mine.

So when I looked up "unicorn" on the Google blog search, I found this amazing site about killer unicorns.  The site was dedicated to the task of telling others about the dangers of killer unicorns, finding unicorn slayers, and showing informative videos about the unicorns that they caught and are now using for medical research.

At first, I was like, RIGHT ON!! But then I realized that the site was lacking one thing: information on good unicorns.  I mean, we all know that all unicorns aren't killer unicorns, right?

So I decided to write to the blogger and let them know all about my frustration. The email went something like this:

To whom it may concern:

I appreciate your blog due to its informative nature of dangerous unicorns.  Your blog is very helpful in describing the dangers of unicorns and the cautionary steps we mere humans must take in order to be safe. 

However, I feel that your website lacks one thing:  you have failed to communicate properly the facts about GOOD unicorns.  I for one have had first-hand experience with unicorns that are not only tame, but dedicate their lives to using their magic for greater purposes, like saving the world.  Although these good unicorns are extremely violent and have been known to impale their enemies with bloodthirsty gusto, these unicorns would never imagine killing an innocent human.  In fact, I own one of these unicorns.  He is living in my backyard.  Sometimes I ride him when I don't have a car handy.  He has always been a very good unicorn.  And he's a vegetarian.

Even after taking your quiz entitled "Unicorn Species Identification", I couldn't seem to identify what type of unicorn I own.  Here is a description of it:

My unicorn is about the size of a small horse.  It can change color at will, sort of like a chameleon.  The colors and patterns on its silky hair can be anything from manly camouflage to girly pink.  Only true unicorn believers can see these unicorns, that's why the home owner's association hasn't come to fine me for having an animal that is not included in the "comfort animal" category.

Please, let me know what your thoughts are on my experiences with good unicorns.  I would really appreciate if you could educate the public on these unicorns as well as me, since I believe this is a vital part of understanding the world of unicorns.

Thank you for your time,

Well I waited about four weeks for them to respond and they never did.  I'm assuming that's because they have no idea how to respond because they aren't really unicorn experts.  

Or else it's because the blog is actually about four or five novels written by Diana Peterfreund that are all about how "real unicorns are man eating beasts with razor sharp fangs and a fatal venom in their lethal horns" and she is mad at me for doubting her work. 

She probably hates me.  She also probably thinks that I'm a good-for-nothing blogger that knows nothing about unicorns or her books.

But maybe the truth is I actually know everything about killer unicorns and the reason why I know so many unicorns who won't kill me is because I am a killer human that likes to hang out with killer unicorns.  After all, killers don't kill other killers. 

Well, I'll update you if she responds.

Meanwhile, visit the blog, (It's actually really awesome):
And BEWARE, right now you are reading the blog of a killer human and her killer unicorns. MUAH HAH HA

1 comment:

  1. Haha, this is awesome! Just stumbled unto your blog and I have been laughing for at least 30 minutes. I searched your blog and didn't find anything but maybe I just didn't look hard enough but have you seen the Charlie the Unicorn videos on youtube? If not definately a must see for you, if so I would love to see your reaction.


Comments are much appreciated xoxo