Saturday, June 18, 2011

The Top Ten Worst Ways to Wake Up

I love sleeping, as do many people, I assume.  Sometimes I look forward to going to bed even more than I look forward to eating.  And that is a lot.

Most of the time, my night's sleep is not quite long enough, due to the early wake-up time for school or work.  You all probably know the feeling - you wake up and feel like somebody just stole your sleep out from under you, causing you to crash violently into consciousness.  It sucks.

Here is a list of the worst possible ways to wake up:

1.  Alarm.
Every night, I habitually set my alarm for the next morning.  I have no idea why I do because my body has trained itself to turn the alarm off without waking itself up.  I am now an expert at hitting the snooze without my brain registering the fact that my alarm is sounding.  Even worse, the alarm goes off every fives minutes, yet I wake up about thirty minutes after the first alarm, meaning I hit the alarm six times without the slightest realization that it is continuously making futile attempts to wake me.  Basically, I sleep through my alarm while hitting the snooze button.


2. Dog.
Sometimes my dog wakes me up.  This is extremely annoying.  Unlike the heartwarming dog-alarms that movies portray, i.e. a lick on the face, a lolling tongue and a wagging tail, my dog comes into my room and does one of the following:
1. Whines.
2. Scratches at the door.
3. Throws up.

Let me just say, NOT FUN.

3. Mother.

4. Text.
When I wake up because my phone is buzzing on my bedside table, I usually feel like strangling a small animal.  SHUT UP, FRIENDS! I DON'T LIKE YOU!

5. Falling out of bed.
Falling out of bed is a horrible way of waking up for two reasons:
Firstly, it jerks you awake like somebody poured water all over your face.
Secondly, usually the primary reason you fell out of bed in the first place is because you were moving around while sleeping: a sure sign that you were having a very active, intense dream that you probably didn't want to end.

6. Nightmare.
I usually wake up due to nightmares in the early hours of the morning.  This is a very unfortunate way to wake up because I usually can't fall asleep again.  The thoughts of monsters, zombies and vampires makes me a little freaked out.

7. Hiccups.
Having hiccups is probably one of the worst ways to wake up.  Not only do you wake up from a beautiful night's sleep, but you also have to deal with THE most annoying involuntary action that can happen to humans.

8. Pee.
I hate having to go to the bathroom at night.  I'm like, "Bladder, I hate you."

9. Heat.
I also hate waking up feeling like a sweaty ball of hot.  It feels miserable.  Waking up cold, however, is actually quite nice.  When I'm cold, I can cuddle up into my blankets and sleep twice as deeply.

10. Woodpecker.
Have you ever had a woodpecker peck at the side of your house right next to your room while you are trying to sleep?  I hope for your sake that the answer is no.  Having a woodpecker wake you up is like having someone drill a hole into your skull except ten times as loud and a little less physically painful.

Goodnight, I'm going to sleep now.

1 comment:

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